My Alcoholism & Recovery

Alcoholism is a progressive disease that can take years to develop. Alcoholism can be defined as a disease in which the sufferer is compelled to drink, even though it is negatively affecting his relationships, his work and his family.

Men and women who aren’t pregnant can usually consume a drink a day without adverse health affects. This amount is also socially acceptable in today’s society. However, when some people find they can’t stop at that one drink per day, the earliest of the three stages of alcoholism may be developing.

Early Stage

In the earliest stage of alcoholism, the drinker starts to need the alcohol. They think about it more and more. They feel without it they cannot maintain a good mood. They are gradually increasing their tolerance to the drug, and start needing more and more in order to get desired mood change. Sometimes a burgeoning alcoholic will drink quite large amounts without seeming to be impaired.

In this earliest stage many people will discover their faculties actually improve with the drinking of alcohol. The body is adapting to the regular higher levels of alcohol in the blood, however, it can’t keep up. As the user drinks more and more, the body starts to lose its ability to deal with these high levels of blood alcohol. Now, as the sufferer stops drinking and the blood alcohol level starts to decrease, they find those impairments previously associated with alcohol to be present without it. They are hindered when walking, talking and thinking. They are moving into the next stage of alcoholism.

Middle Stage

At this point the drinker is losing control over his drinking. His body is losing control over its ability to process the alcohol. Tolerance decreases, and the drinker needs less alcohol to achieve the same level of intoxication. But they rarely start drinking less, because when they do, they withdrawal symptoms becoming more severe. So instead, they drink more, and start drinking earlier.

As the alcoholism takes over, the person may have already realized the problem, but has become helpless to do anything about it. Others are noticing it, too, but he can no longer judge when he’s had enough alcohol. Even when aware, he denies a problem. Associated problems are being seen more regularly now, like blackouts and stomach problems.

Late Stage

As alcoholism progresses, the drinker has become obsessed with drink to the exclusion of almost all else. Heath is seriously compromised. Relationships at home have been perhaps permanently damaged, and financial and legal problems are mounting as the alcoholic can think only of where to get his next drink.

All alcoholism sufferers are malnourished, and their livers have been damaged, further reducing their bodies’ ability to use nutrients. Nutrition loss just makes all other alcohol-related damage worse.

At this point if the alcoholic continues to drink, death will surely be the result. Suicide, accident-related injuries, and direct alcohol-related organ damage are all undeniable results of failing to reverse the last stage of alcoholism.

Understanding the warning signs and recognizing the early stage of alcoholism while you’re still in it could save your life.

Yes, I have changed, it is fairly easy to see in my life. Just stopping drinking and drugging makes quite a big change anyway; but I have changed much more than that. I know this, my friends know this, the people I live with see it every day - but every now and again someone wants to drag me back to the person I was.

I was in the supermarket shopping and met someone that I had not seen for a few years. I had drunk with them on occasion, so they knew some of my drinking history and how out of control I could get once I had started drinking. They had seen it with their own eyes.

Excuses the aside. When I stopped drinking I changed my phone number as I was still getting calls from some people that I had drunk with asking me to go drinking with them. He was one of them. So basically to survive in the beginning of my sober life I had to cut off a lot of people, as I could not then say no. I can now, thankfully.

We exchanged pleasantries asking general questions. He looked like hell. The same way that I would have all the time. But the way he related to me was the interesting part for me. He looked down on me. Kinda funny really. Commenting on my current job he made it sound crap, like it was worth nothing as I had it. A thing that never happens to me with my current friends and new people I meet, who seem interested as my job is out of the usual a little.

I passed him again leaving the supermarket and I waved goodbye as I did not want to join him again for some more conversation. He shouted over - Is that a load of drink for tonight in there?

I am so lucky.

Welcome to an AA meeting, please check your natural common sense at the door.

Someone told me a long time ago regarding talking or sharing, at AA meeting - Talk about yourself to yourself.  I really try to do this as much as possible, as my mouth has had the ability to get me into trouble, quite often in the past. It rarely happens now, thankfully.

However I was at a meeting yesterday and someone went off on one.  Interruption others, commenting to them, now he is so mad it is easy to spot.  It the not so obvious mad ones that I have trouble with.

I have been hiding for a long time. I have avoided the lime light in any way whatsoever. I have avoid sticking my head above the paraquat. (spelling?)

Because of this I am failing in my life - not a great thing to see about my self. I stop doing things just before they become good, I run away still, years after stopping drinking and drugging.

I have been so scared for so long of people knowing about my mad life, the life that I have left far behind - one that bares no resemblance to how I live now, the life that was drinking, drugging, sometime jail because of theses two. I have been scared shit less of it and have tried desperately to hide from it.

However because of that hiding I am tense, anxious, nervous; I don’t enjoy what I have now - and I have a bloody good life - everyone says so - every sees it - expect me. I am still on guard…

I have got used to the idea that I wake up on Saturdays and I am sober, that I remember the night before, that I don’t have that brain racking in my head wondering what I did, where I was, and what did I say to people.

It is a simple matter of record that I operated on auto pilot while drinking.  I did many things and have no record of them in my head, and frighteningly for many hours at a time.  Since stopping drinking I have not woke up in bed with some one and wondered who they are.  I have not woke up in bed with someone and wondered if I had sex, did I do anything, what is their name?

Blackouts in the beginning  I did not care about for many years, even though I woke up in the strangest places and did some very crazy things while in blackouts.  But towards the end I got very frightened of my blackout, frightened of what would happen to me while in that state.

I am happy to report I have not had one for a long time now, may it continue.

Looking after myself is something that I have learned to do. I was not very good at just after I got sober, I could wash, brush my teeth, eat okay; however I had no real value system in my life. Well I had, it had been drink and use as much as possible and try not to die.

But then there was no drink. What was important? One day someone, when I was talking about this, someone said to me - “your primary purpose is to stay sober.” God, I though, I expect something more from him than this AA bullshit.

A few years later, I concur. Being sober is the best thing in my life. Even taking away the fact that so many other things hinge on this, it is still the best thing in my life.

I woke this morning, no hangover. No need for valium to calm myself, or to be able to get out of the house. I went and had my coffee and cigarettes, and thought about my day ahead, what I was going to do; not just how I was going to get through it. I take being sober for granted. I expect it each day, not too long ago I was scared that I would drink every day. I ran to AA meeting in fear.

Now I go to AA meeting because, well sometimes because that is what I do, other times I feel like I need to be there, though that is less often now. I have learned to take care of my sobriety. I just go to AA meeting, all the time. If I need to go, if I don’t want to go; it is part of my life. I only go to about two meetings per week, and that seems to work okay, however I just go. It is a bit like jogging, it has to be done regularly to stay fit. My AA is like that.

The thought of having to think when I was an active teen drinker…  well it just never happened, but here is what goes on now.

I hate making any large decision. I become very scared of what might happen. Many of my decisions in the past have ended up fairly crap, but not so much since I have stopped the drink. So what now? How do I make a large important decision?

• I want to work for myself.
• I want the security of working for someone else.
• I want to control when I work.
• I don’t want to fail if I decide to do this.
• Am I prepared to risk a fair amount of money and time on this new project?
• This new project only has a certain time frame.
• The over-ridding feeling I have is fear, that is always the way when I am in a position like this.
• I have never done this before, but I have done parts of it.
• Some friend agree that I should go for it others say take the safe option.
• What would I do if I was not me?

Often I find that I can talk something to death, in other words I talk about it so much that I just go off the whole idea. That has not happened with this, it has been in my head for the last year and now I find myself in the position that I have the time and money - but I am running scared.

No wonder I loved drink so much I did not have to think about stuff like this, life just happened to me - a cowards way out.

Time to flip a coin? Lend your experience and leave a reply.

Yesterday was my sober anniversary. It did not feel like just
another day. When I was first getting sober I found it imposable to
imagine that I would ever be this long without a drink. And on the
occasions that I could I imagined it, I thought of someone whose life
would be more. More of what I am not sure of. More self esteem, more
confidence, more settled, a guru?

Today I am sad and that is okay. I have had thoughts of the past
running through my mind. About the drinking, the people that were in my
life, the people that I hurt. I have been through the program and there
is still three people that are on my amends list. I don’t know where
they live, I think I will meet them again at some point in my life and
I am ready - but they were and still are very important people to me.

Yesterday at the meeting people clapped when I talked about my
anniversary. I don’t like that. I don’t like to be seen, something that
I may have to do something about. To be successful in the area I have
chosen one has to be seen, to accept praise - that scares the shit out
of me, while at the same time I want it, I really want to be seen…

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Alcoholic: Just go straight to hell and make a u-turn.

Being a part of something is more important that being the center of attention.

AA is the only place where you can walk into a room full of strangers and reminisce.

AA romance…. the odds are good… but the goods are odd.

Look for a way in; not for a way out.

We are not reformed alcoholics, but informed alcoholics.

AA has no fixed address — you can take it with you.

AA: We are here for a reason, not for the season

AA Groups: A AA group will be judged by the worst behavior of its members

Before I came to AA I was dead, but did not know enough to lie down.

In AA there are no losers — just slow winners

Alcoholic (as defined by self): A piece of crap that the universe revolves around.

Alcoholic: Someone who refuses to give up a life of failure without a fight.

Alcoholic: A person who when s/he goes to a wedding, wants to be the bride and when s/he goes to a funeral, wants to be the corpse.

An alcoholic is someone who wants to be held while isolating.

Alcoholic: “I may not be much, but I’m all I think about.”

 ”If I could drink like normal, I’d drink all the time!”

Alcoholics burn the bridges in front of them.

An alcoholic is someone who finds something that works and then stops doing it.

If you think that you are an alcoholic, chances are you are.

An alcoholic is a person with two feet planted firmly in mid-air.

Non-alcoholics change their behavior to meet their goals; alcoholics change their goals to meet their behavior.

An alcoholic can be in the gutter and still look down on people.

High bottoms have trap doors

If the cure works, chances are you have the disease.

Three most dangerous words for an alcoholic: “I’ve been thinking”

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