My Alcoholism & Recovery

For a long time I did not feel like I belonged in AA. I felt like others who had been there before me had more rights in meetings than me. I thought that decision making within the group was not something I had a right to take part in.

This was part of my alcoholism. Like it or not I had to belong to AA – and mostly I did not like it. I can’t imagine anyone liking being a part of something where they feel they have no or little rights within that group. So for my welfare and that of the group I had to make sure that Alcoholics Anonymous belonged also to me.

It was not easy to overcome myself – as that’s what held me back. I started doing things in meetings – sharing and then going for coffee afterwards – these were good starts, as I was often scared to ask anyone to go for a coffee. Then I took on service in AA. That was the tipping point.

Being of service in AA does make one look like they own the place – one ends up walking around very comfortable in the situations that bothered me before. That’s what I had seen in the other members – and I became a member of AA, just part of it, it felt good.

Getting past this thinking problem was a matter of acting. I would rather think myself out of problems, AA’s know this, however the way for me to solve many problems is to simply act. In the action I change without any great effort.

Simple things are often beyond me if I keep to myself.