My Alcoholism & Recovery

I am heading to my home town next week; I will be staying with my family for 5 days. I have a great life, I really have to say that to start with – but hell 5 days with my family in the area where I did most of my drinking where there is an ex-wife with a new husband, and grown children that don’t want to talk – let’s just say I’m not looking forward to it.

I‘ve not lived in my home town for 10 years and now for six of those I’ve been sober and drug free, so my life has changed considerably. But when I walk back into that area my good head does not go with me.

I remember going back after doing my fifth step having for the first time in my life seen how dishonest I am – how adverse to the truth I am especially around my family – how scared I am to say what I mean and what I want to say. I drove back there thinking – this time I know how being dishonest has cost me and my relationship, this time I am going to be honest. Ah… I so wish life was that easy.

I choked. The truth became foreign to me again. I said what ever to keep the peace, my huge fear of upsetting my family and any sort of conflict – so odd, as I said whatever I wanted after a few beers. But sober, with a clear mind, I was lost once again.

I take solace from the words of the Buda – it goes something like this – if man thinks he has attained enlightenment let him spend a week with his family. That guy knew something.

I don’t go home often now, once or twice a year – it is not so close and I call often enough. I once considered moving back to that town, during my first year of sobriety and then something happened there that stopped me – it helped me see what I would be moving back to and that I was not long enough away from the drink at that time; I had doubts I would survive, so I did not go home. That was a good move as I now have a great life where I live, one that I could never have foreseen.

I reckon I will be posting here a lot during the next week or so…