Just Another Day?
Yesterday was my sober anniversary. It did not feel like just
another day. When I was first getting sober I found it imposable to
imagine that I would ever be this long without a drink. And on the
occasions that I could I imagined it, I thought of someone whose life
would be more. More of what I am not sure of. More self esteem, more
confidence, more settled, a guru?
Today I am sad and that is okay. I have had thoughts of the past
running through my mind. About the drinking, the people that were in my
life, the people that I hurt. I have been through the program and there
is still three people that are on my amends list. I don’t know where
they live, I think I will meet them again at some point in my life and
I am ready - but they were and still are very important people to me.
Yesterday at the meeting people clapped when I talked about my
anniversary. I don’t like that. I don’t like to be seen, something that
I may have to do something about. To be successful in the area I have
chosen one has to be seen, to accept praise - that scares the shit out
of me, while at the same time I want it, I really want to be seen…
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